


I've Been Drinking

by camichats



Category: Marvel
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Forgiveness, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Memory Loss, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 03:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21047567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Tony can't remember last night at all, and he can't even blame it on Avengers business.





	I've Been Drinking

Tony didn't know how he got here. Unfortunately, that was an experience he was intimately familiar with. The part that was weird about this was that he had woken up with someone. That hadn't happened in a while, since he became Iron Man, honestly. These days he stayed in the Tower and drank himself blind. There was a warm body behind him and a strong arm over his waist holding him close, and Tony was pretty sure that meant he'd slept with one of his teammates. 

The truly unfortunate part about that, was that Tony couldn't remember the circumstances. Was this a life affirming thing? Break up sex for whoever he'd bedded? Either of those would be good because then they wouldn't be expecting anything else from him, and he'd be able to forget about the morning after as easily as he'd done with last night. It was one of the men, so at least that narrowed down the options a little, but not near enough. Had there been some sort of love confession? He really really hoped that wasn't the case, but maybe he should prepare for it given how his luck went. Or had they agreed to do a friends with benefits thing? Basically anything was fine as long as there weren't feelings involved. 

Tony figured it was time to roll over and see how it was, so he moved gingerly, trying not to wake him. Then his heart dropped. Oh. Oh no. _ Bucky_. 

But because life hated him, he didn't have any time to get used to the idea before Bucky was stirring, clenching Tony tighter and eyes scrunching before blinking them open. When he saw Tony looking at him, he broke into a warm, easy smile. "Morning," he said, leaning in to give Tony a quick kiss. 

Tony was still freaking out though, wondering how the hell he was going to avoid hurting Bucky when he couldn't remember a damn thing about what happened. So when Bucky tried to kiss him, Tony leaned away. 

A flash of hurt and worry crossed Bucky's face. 

Shit. He fucking failed the one thing he needed to do, and he hadn't been awake for thirty seconds yet. 

"You okay?" 

Tony moved back to where he'd been before, trying on a smile. He could really use a drink right about now. "Course, sorry, yeah you just surprised me. I'm not exactly used to waking up with you in my bed." 

Bucky's frown deepened. "We're in my room." 

Goddammit. What were the chances? "It's a figure of speech." 

"You seemed so happy last night. If you changed your mind, or you need some space, that's fine. I'm not tryin' to tie you down, sweetheart. You can be in love and not boring." He quirked his lips in a hopeful sort of expression. "Promise." 

In love? What the _ hell _ had Tony said last night? It was true that he had something of a major crush on their resident Captain America, but telling Bucky that he loved him? That was a little more... touchy-feely than he tended to be. "I'm fine," Tony said, because that seemed better in the long run than taking the space that Bucky was offering. Fake it till you make it, right? "Takes some getting used to, y'know?" He ran a hand up and down Bucky's arm, wishing he knew how much Bucky had poured out his heart last night so he could do this better. He was shooting in the dark right now, and while that was fine for board meetings where none of them had good ideas, Bucky was worth more than that. 

The best way to smooth over the edges was sex, and at least Tony knew they'd done that already. So he pressed forward, kissing Bucky and curling into his warmth. He pushed on Bucky's shoulder until he rolled onto his back, and Tony followed, straddling him. He tilted his head just so to get the angle right, and started threading his fingers through Bucky's hair. He slowly tightened his grip, not enough to be painful, just a little tug. 

Instead of Bucky moving with it like Tony was used to with his partners, Bucky grimaced, breaking off the kiss. His metal hand closed over Tony's gently, untangling his fingers from Bucky's hair. "Don't like that, remember?" He pressed a kiss to Tony's wrist to let him know that he wasn't angry though. 

"Right, sorry," Tony said quickly. 

Too quickly apparently, because Bucky was back to frowning at him. "You sure you're okay?" 

"It's early and I haven't had coffee yet," Tony tried, rolling his eyes. 

Bucky didn't look convinced. "Jarvis was there an incident last night that none of the rest of us saw? With Tony?" 

"No villain or magical activity," he reported. 

"Seriously," Tony said sitting up even though he was still sitting on top of Bucky, "I'm sorry I forgot that you don't like your hair pulled, but I didn't mean anything by it. It won't happen again," he promised, making a little 'x' over his heart with a finger. 

Now that Bucky had latched onto his worry though, he wasn't letting it go. "It's not about my stupid hair Tony. You don't forget things. Maybe we should go to medical." 

"I don't need to go to medical, I'm fine! Look at me, it's like I walked off a runway." His bed head and morning stubble was a contradiction to that, but it was hardly the point. 

"Maybe it's leftover trauma from the last time in Savage Land. You got whacked pretty hard, but you didn't get checked over." 

"I'm _ fine_." 

"Your memory's messed up Tony, I can't believe you're not more worried about this." 

Oh if only he knew. "Bucky, seriously," Tony said, framing his face with his hands. "Try to hear me this time. I'm fine. I was tired and horny and it slipped mind for a second because I'm used to people loving it. Everything's okay." 

Bucky looked a little more at ease, but not enough to let it go. "Then you don't mind if I ask you a couple questions to make sure?" He posed it like it was a completely reasonable request, and it was obvious that to him, it was. 

To Tony, this was a goddamn minefield. If it had to do with normal Avengers business he'd fine, but if it was about last night, he was screwed. There was no way of saying no that wouldn't make him suspicious though, so he said, "Shoot." 

"Where did the Avengers go for brunch yesterday?" 

"We ate in. Clint tried to make crepes, and we ate the ones that Jan made." 

Bucky nodded. "Okay, and what did War Machine need to talk about when he dropped by?" 

"He wasn't War Machine then, he was just Rhodey," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "And he wanted permission to blast We Will Rock You the next time he was in a fight. Of course I said yes. I'd do it myself it you let me." 

"If loud sounds interfere with their ability to fight or function, then you can blast as much Queen as you want." 

"Orders on high from Captain America, Jarvis jot that down. I want this recorded so that when Director Hill starts yelling at me I can point her in your direction." 

"That's fine," Bucky said, grinning. "And who did I fall for first: Iron Man or Tony Stark?" 

Ah shit, so close. But even so, that was an easy question, and Tony answered, "Iron Man," with a confident smile. 

Bucky's smile froze, then vanished. "Okay that's it, we're going to get you checked out." He sat up and kept one arm around Tony to keep him from escaping as he went to the edge of the bed. 

"What- no- Bucky, stop! I'm fine." 

"You're not fine, you're missing details." 

"It's not my fault you're an idiot who likes Tony Stark more than Iron Man," Tony groused, wiggling futilely. 

Bucky ignored him. "Jarvis, who's down there right now?" 

"Doctor Cho-" 

Bucky nodded to himself, comforted that it was her. 

"-but if I may, Captain?" 

He paused. 

"I do not believe this is an issue that needs to be brought to her attention." 

"Wh-" 

"Sir was drinking quite heavily last night. Based on his usual tolerance levels, he was, as you say, 'black out drunk' when you arrived in the kitchen." 

"But..." Bucky loosened his grip on Tony and leaned back enough to see his face. "You were talking fine. You weren't stumbling or crashing into anything. I knew you'd been drinking when I showed up, but I thought you'd just had a glass or two." 

Tony didn't say anything. He also didn't look at Bucky because it sounded like he was about to break his heart without doing a single thing. 

"How drunk were you?" 

Tony licked his lips, hoping for inspiration to strike him like lightning. Nothing came. Damn it. "Uh." 

"Tony," Bucky said, and he sounded so hurt that Tony automatically looked at him. "Do you remember _ anything _ about last night?" 

Tony gave a careless shrug that he didn't feel. "I definitely remember dinner, you'll need to be more specific." 

"I told you that I love you. Do you remember that? Do you... remember saying it back?" 

He should lie. Bucky looked so miserable, and if Tony said he remembered it wouldn't hurt him worse, right? He couldn't though, because Bucky _ knew _ he didn't remember now, and if Tony lied Bucky would just get more mad at him when he left. "I remember waking up next to you," he said quietly. "Isn't that enough?" 

"No," Bucky choked out, eyes filling with tears. "It's not! That- it _ meant _ something to me Tony. I told you fucking everything, and you don't even remember it! You're the one that kissed me, we had sex because it was _ your _ idea and you said we'd done enough waiting over the years. Did you mean any of it? You don't know! You can't tell me because you _ don't remember_, and it- we-" Bucky broke off, burying his face in his hands. 

Tony reached out, making contact with Bucky's shoulder slowly. He didn't flinch away, but Tony didn't know if that counted as a good sign or if Bucky was that upset. Either way, his heart ached and he wrapped his arms around Bucky, wishing he could get rid of it all. "I love you," Tony whispered. He didn't remember last night but god he wished that he did. 

"Do you?" 

"Yes," Tony said, squeezing tighter. 

There was a long pause, where all Tony was aware of was Bucky's breathing. The long drag in and the slow exhale. "I don't believe you." 

Tony's heart stopped. Bucky extricated himself from Tony's arms and walked away. He couldn't enjoy the view of a naked Bucky because it felt like he was falling off the edge of the planet without his suit. 

* * *

Bucky was sitting peacefully at the table, Alpine purring up a storm from where he was curled up in an empty seat. Tony walked in, but Bucky didn't think anything about it, assuming that he was grabbing some food. Instead, he walked up to the table and set something down with a little click. Bucky glanced up from his book to see Tony looking at him expectantly. "It's my uh, one month chip from AA," he explained. 

Bucky looked down to see it. 'One day at a time' it said across the top. There was a large one in the center, and under that it said 'month' then 'recovery'. Curving across the bottom was 'to thine own self be true'. A month of sobriety, which Bucky knew was difficult. "Good for you," he said. Then he winced, because it sounded insincere. He picked up the coin and handed it back to Tony. "Really Tony, that's great. I know how hard you've been workin' for this." 

"Thank you," Tony said softly, slipping the coin in his pocket. He hovered, debating whether or not he should leave or stick around. He ended up taking a chair, fingers tapping nervously against the top of the table. "I know I already um ruined something... special between us," Tony said, the words halting but meant. "I can't change that. But I do-" he stopped throat working "-love you, and if you think you can forgive me, I'd like to take you on a date." 

Oh. They were doing this. He closed the book and set it down. "It's not about forgivin' you; I've already done that. It's not like you knew I was going to come visit you that night or anything. I'm afraid that it's going to happen again." 

"I can't promise that it won't," Tony admitted, sounding endlessly sad that he had to say it. "I'm trying my best, but there are setbacks. Times when I'll fail." 

"I know. That's how recovery works, right?" There was a pause, and Bucky swallowed. "I guess I can't stop worryin' that I care about you more 'an you care about me. I know that's not how it happened, but it's all I can think about." 

Tony reached across the table and grabbed Bucky's hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "It's okay. And hey, we're still friends right?" 

"Course we're still friends, nothin' changes that," Bucky said, squeezing his hand in return. "I'm not saying never, Tony. Just... give me a little time." 

Tony nodded. "As much as you need." 


End file.
